Some habits are so much part of us that we find it almost impossible to give them up, break or change them.
There is one habit that is blocking me being the most useful person I can be. And the more I consider human development and the psychology of workplace performance the more I am convinced that we should all try to loosen the grip this habit has on us.
In this post I outline my journey in wrestling with this habit and how my limited success has produced such staggering results that I’m now super motivated to spread the word (this blog being but one attempt to do this). Read on to learn more.
The habit I spend almost all my time working on is “selfing“. Or saying this in another way “making everything that goes on in my life being centered around my self and how happy, satisfied and in control I feel.” To be even more blunt SELFISHNESS is the ultimate habit that western society, the media, self-help books, wealth creation evangelists and marketers all emphasis as the sole purpose and end game for humans. You can have it all, be safe, happy and content if only you owned, experienced or had <insert product or service here>.
But this post is not about anti-consumerism it is about how I fell for this happiness trap. If only I could have/do/be…. then everything would be ok! I’ve climbed to the top of a few mountains only to be unsatisfied with the view and I think a lot of people are the same. Striving, climbing pushing themselves to be in control of their world making their self feel safe and satisfied (even if only for a fleeting moment) only to be disillusioned when they discover the emptiness of what they were chasing/grasping at.
My approach has changed recently to one where I seek to know myself not so I can have more happiness but to enable me to notice and then forget my self and then get on with what needs to be done rather than worrying about what I’m going to get out what I’m doing. Of course this is an almost impossible objective (to forget one’s self; be selfless), but nonetheless it is a worthy and noble life goal.
Most of my coaching clients have problems that almost exclusively come from them wanting something that their self sees as necessary, but could be argued is not appropriate for the current situation (their wants are extra and in the way). My job is to help people see past their self and objectively view a situation, know what needs to be done and then consider if they need to play a role. Usually we do the opposite and first consider what role our self will play in the situation and then consider the problem or issue. This me-first approach is backwards and has created lots of issues for me and my career; nowadays I have a little faith that being self-less will work out better in the long run. And it seems to be working out…
Ah… I hear you all asking ” this is all great Niall, but how do we become more self-less?”.
Well stay tuned, I’m putting together a little e-course thingy that will help spread the word and help you all out on your journey. Email me if you want to stay tuned on this program as I’ll need to run my ideas past some people prior to going public.